Baby Number 3, Babyloss

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day, Oct. 15th

Yesterday was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I was almost too busy to think about it, but it was on my mind all day.

Yesterday I also had an obstetrician appointment. My little girl is 100% okay, I know some of you will understand why I find that to be a miracle. We’re over halfway now. It seems to have gone so fast. In 4 months she will be here, and our arms will be a tiny little bit less empty. I don’t feel like she’ll fill the gap left by her big brothers. But maybe she’ll make that hole seem not quite as big.

As I said before, the significance of yesterday’s date was on my mind all day. And at 7pm, my Facebook newsfeed filled up with candles. It was so lovely to see. But besides that, it really did feel like any other day. I missed my boys just as much as every day before – the only difference was that people seemed to accept that and liked my “I miss you” post rather than commenting about how I can’t let their loss ‘define the rest of my life’.

I guess I almost ended the day on a sad note, because I thought, why should my grief only be recognised on this one day? I do love that we have a day for everybody to remember our babies, but for my friends that aren’t a part of the baby-loss community it seemed to mean that today was the only day I should remember my sons.

Anyway, I’ll end my post on a happier note. Yesterday, seeing my little baby-loss community come together was lovely. Seeing other people, who don’t know our grief, remember our babies was also beautiful. My Facebook newsfeed really was a wave of light. And I did feel my sons’ presence quite heavily yesterday – I felt like they were watching over us. I’m proud that my little girl has such wonderful angels to look after her, even though I’d rather they be here to grow up with her instead.