Baby Number 3

Rainbow pregnancy sucks.

I’m not even talking about the anxiety. That’s enough on it’s own, the 24/7 worrying. Second-guessing every tiny twinge I feel. Even her kicks aren’t reassuring, because I just can’t help but think she might be saying goodbye or struggling to hold on. It’s awful.

But it’s the silence that really sucks. I feel like my belly is the elephant in the room! Last time I was pregnant everybody would excitedly ask questions and talk about the babies, but this time around it’s like they would rather forget I’m growing another human being.

It’s hard to imagine bringing this baby home – being positive is hard. But the silence makes it so much harder. It would be so nice if someone just asked how baby was going, whether she’s a boy or a girl. Or ask how I’m doing being pregnant in the heat. Or want to chat baby names with me. But instead there’s just silence. And when I try to break that silence myself and talk about baby anyway, it doesn’t take them long to change the topic – it’s so painfully clear no-one wants to talk about it.

I was sad that when my partner and I announced my pregnancy we barely got a single congratulations, but I thought that eventually we would. Like people just needed to get used to the idea and maybe have a think about what to say. Instead there’s been more silence.

I do sort of understand how everyone’s feeling – maybe they even think it’s easier for me, too, to pretend that I’m not pregnant. But it’s not. It makes things harder. I feel like I need all the positivity I can get, but if no-one else can be positive how on earth am I supposed to be?


5 thoughts on “Rainbow pregnancy sucks.

  1. I’m so sorry your feeling this way. I would suggest having this discussion with those closest to you, they may need the reassurance that it’s is ok to talk about. Hope this doesn’t continue hunn. Xo

    • I have spoken to family & friends about it – precisely one person has listened. It was like in one ear and out the other with everyone else!

      But I guess I can’t change how other people feel and act, I should probably just work on myself. 🙂

  2. I’m up early with my oldest daughter who is eight. We were reading your blog a bit and we both wanted to say congratulations on your new baby daughter! We’re sure you are going to love having a daughter, because they are such fun to talk to and play with. Tea parties and dance parties and dress up and baking…My 4 year old daughter loves to help me cooking and cleaning. And it’s good to have someone to eat chocolate with, and to curl up on the couch and watch the Muppets with!
    We found the Muppets to be good therapy, helping us to laugh after we lost baby Josephine.
    My best friend Monique is having a “rainbow baby” after losing her little son Hilary. I know she can relate to how anxious you feel. It’s very understandable. Remember that your precious sons will be watching over your daughter always. She has two extra guardian angels, and I’m sure they make it their special job to pray for her all the time.
    I’ll be asking my Josephine to pray for you for a lot of strength and peace, and for the ability to rejoice in the unique and beautiful miracle that is your daughter.
    Many blessings,

    • Thank you for such a lovely, heartfelt comment.
      I am so looking forward to having a daughter. I am sad that her big brothers aren’t here but I know they will be watching over her.

      • I know how you feel. It is so heartbreaking some days, even more than others. The world really changes when you lose a little one, or in your case, two! I wish I could come give you a huge hug. I’m thinking of you lots, and praying for you for the courage we both need to be mothers.

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