Babyloss, Life

I still cry.

It’s coming up to two years now I have been living without my sons, and I still cry.

In the beginning it was very visible. I made no effort to hide my grief. If I wasn’t crying, I wasn’t feeling.

Slowly I started crying only in private. Eventually I began hiding it from even my partner, I would cry in the shower and cry late at night. I’m sure he heard me crying next to him in bed, but I think it was easier for him to pretend he didn’t. I don’t blame him for that. 

Then one day I didn’t shed a single tear. I didn’t even notice, I was crying in the shower the following day when I realised the day before I hadn’t cried at all. It was a big milestone. A morbid achievement. The first day I didn’t cry.

Now there are more cry-free days than not. But I still cry. I don’t think the tears will ever fully stop. I miss my boys.

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3 thoughts on “I still cry.

  1. I wish Canada wasn’t so far, and that I could pop over to bring you some chocolate and some relaxing bath salts, and give you a hug when you needed a shoulder to cry on.
    My husband and I brought our little daughter a Christmas wreath, the only gift I could physically give her, and it made me cry leaving the little cheerful thing there alone in the graveyard. It is still hard, her second Christmas away from us. I guess that kind of pain is a forever one, like the forever love we have for our babies who went before us.
    Peace and strength be with you,
    Anna

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